The Archetype of Abandonment

15 January 2004

BdF6     original art by
    Bryan de Flores

           Another coupla questions, about Harmonic Concordance issues.   As one of you so aptly put it, the Harmonic Concordance is "the gift that keeps on giving"...

           First question: "I'm not sure what you mean by 'spirit separated but unmanifest,' 'the archetype of Abandonment being triggered' and 'their job is to be loving with the process of Separation' (for the Gift vacancy at 29 Aquarius)" - the subquotes are from The Harmonic Concordance and the Individual.

           Uranus as "spirit separated but unmanifest" is the potential in all of us to be whole, to heal into our Christedness, to accept the apparent paradox of being fully animal yet fully spirit.   I'm reading Marie Corelli's novel Barabbas about this paradox, and recommend it highly.

           One of the features of the Harmonic Concordance was the "archetype of Abandonment being triggered" - Uranus was the only planet not involved in gift harmonics (3 and 6).   So we had to provide the Uranus function ourself, it wasn't included in the general Grace.   What Uranus function?   Yin integrity.   Unlimited grace was available to us through the Harmonic Concordance - and still is - but only if we remained in yin integrity.   Remember what yin integrity is?   It aint being "true to your word," it's being "true to your feelings."   "True to yer feelings" - lotsa folks dont have any idea what those words mean.

           As Sheila Belanger puts it, the downside of Uranus is self-exile.   Gay Hendricks and others remind us that we're always connected, whether we remember or not.   So anytime we slip into our Abandonment, we lose touch with Uranus, with our True Self.   Whaddaya mean by Abandonment, I hear ya say.   When we was about the size of a roast, and Mom left the room for a minute, we did not know that we could survive without her.   We had not yet made the psychological separation that enabled us to walk and talk and wet our pants all on our own, without her.

           Not so long before this we and Mum were one intimately connected biological unit, and while we had gotten physically separate now, at birth, it would be a while before we (and she - while the onus is on us to do most of it, she's gotta do some of this work, willingly or otherwise) made the mental and emotional and psychic separations.   If ever - many never finish this separation, and suffer mightily for it.   So when we were small enough to fit easily in the oven, and we not only lacked muscle tone but even the intellectual notion that them muscles was ours cuz we hadn't conceptualized ours yet, and we were still many long years from knowing there even was such a thing as human survival technology, and Mum stepped out of our sight for a minute, a panic attack was totally appropriate!

           That's the ultimate root of our Abandonment.   As we got bigger, we relearned this lesson over and over again in so many different situations that by now our Abandonment is a huge complex of fears and thoughts and controls.   Nobody's immune or "healed" from their Abandonment, because it's the natural result of Separation from Oneness.   There's no sense in which it's an affliction, except of course when it overwhelms us.   The best we can do is recognize it so when it arrives we shift immediately into Love and welcome it as one of the prime motivators toward individuation and reconnection.

           This is what we mean about being "loving with the process of Separation."   We came here to Separate, that's what the experience of this (and many others) planet is about, to learn to be a Separate individual entity with our own integrity and values and goals, to be a tiny fraction of the grand and glorious process of differentiation, wherein a flower is different from a hummingbird.

           Yes, we all crave the return to Unity, it's the subject of most mythologies and religions and "spiritual practices," and the whole soulmate game.   It's never far from our thoughts!   Why do we crave Unity?   Because we're Separate and we aren't comfortable with the apparent contradiction that we're still completely connected, and we're scared poopless that we're gonna hafta do it all ourself, and we don't know how cuz we haven't even learned whose finger that is out there on the end of that arm-thing we dont yet know is an arm-thing!   Or more likely, scared poopfull.

           Of course we dont always regress to that first terrifying moment of momlessness, we may regress more often to that time in the third grade when the teacher ridiculed us for being ourself, and we thought we was surely gonna die an outcast, or to the first time Dad punished us for having feelings.   That great and glorious differentiation applies as much to our Abandonment as it does to butterflies and Shining Ones.   The point is that Separation is what we came here to learn, and Abandonment is the natural result, this is what the Earth Institute of Separation is all about.   "Love it or leave it," as they say.

           Which brings us up to today, just about now (as I write this), Thursday 15 January (dont forget quarterly taxes, if yer self-employed in the US), Seattle 12am, New York 3am, London 8am, Jerusalem 10am, Sydney 7pm Thursday, Honolulu 10pm Wednesday, when Venus conjoins Uranus at 1 Pisces - "In a crowded marketplace farmers and middlepersons display a great variety of products: the process of commingling and interchange which at all levels demonstrates the health of a community" [Rudhyar 1973 p.268].   The Venus-Uranus cycle lasts about a year, and the last initiation was on 28 March 2003, also at 1 Pisces.   The implication is that we didn't "get" this lesson - respect for diversity - in a single year, and we been held back.   Tolerance is obviously an important foundation for the future.

           The prior and next Venus-Uranus initiations were/will be 7 February 2002 at 25 Aqua, and 4 March 2005 at 8 Pisces.   Notice how these short cycles "walk" around the zodiac as the outer planets move slowly round, imprinting their synergies into our evolution.   8 Pisces is interesting - "A girl blowing a bugle: a call to participate in the service of the race, as an evolutionary crisis approaches" [Rudhyar 1973 p.273].   Venus represents what has heart and meaning to us, doubly emphasizing the theme of yin integrity.

           To talk about Abandonment without mentioning Suffocation, is to omit half the picture.   The other side of the Abandonment coin is Suffocation, our need for space, introversion, and self-determination.   Most of us were blessed to have mums who were protective - they weren't Separate from us yet either, and everything we experienced had a mirror in their emotional body.   This was a tremendous boon to us when our Abandonment arose, but as we began to Separate, it became interference, an unwelcome hindrance to our explorations.   Between any two people, this dance of together-apart is always edgy.   How often have your relationships been synchronized, so when you wanted reassurance yer partner was right there, and vice versa.

           As often - or more often - when you wanted reassurance yer partner was chafing for freedom, and when you wanted freedom yer partner longed for reassurance.   How many relationships of all types (lover, boss, employee, friend, neighbor, relative, ...) have you quit or lost because of this lack of synchronicity?   How often have you worked to consciously attune to this rhythm so that you developed synchronicity?   How often have you felt the same conscious effort to attune from yer counterpart?   When the parties to a relationship are changing and growing, this becomes even more complex and difficult to tune, as you no sooner learn a pattern, than it changes.   With mother, who's gradually coming off a hormone high, and infant, who's growing day by day, this dance is almost impossible to choreograph.

           So it is important to recognize that there is no blame here, this Abandonment-Suffocation is just part of a natural process, and has profoundly syntropic spiritual functions.   We chafe from it only because we've been trained to reject certain of our emotions.   And it's also important to recognize that much of our Abandonment-Suffocation patterns evolved before we were verbal, which makes it very difficult for intellect to connect our current-moment regressions to our historical experiences.   It's a lot easier to remember the time when our 9th grade PE teacher shamed us, than it is to remember when Mom made us not-ok for peeing.

           There will likely be a big difference between the degree to which our Abandonment is conscious, and the degree to which our Suffocation is conscious, so even though they're really just the opposite sides of the same coin, in our experience they're probably very different processes.   How often when you're scared, do you say to yourself, "Ah, there's my Abandonment.   How old am I now?"   I mean, if you have full faith and trust in Love, why would you be scared at all?   Only because you regressed.   And how often, when you're angry, do you say to yourself, "Ah, there's my Suffocation.   How old am I now?"

           When we experience any regression, the first thing we need to do, is detach from the experience, so there is some shard of ourself left in the present moment to observe the goings-on.   The nature of regression, is that we time-travel, we are not home, we have left for times past.   That's why we go to fear (the body's message to get help) and anger (the body's message to act ferocious and frighten an attacker), because those are the only skills we had at our regressed age.   The concepts of Abandonment and Suffocation are very useful as an aid in this detachment.   No one is exempt from Abandonment and Suffocation - only unconscious of them.

           And this is what we mean by "to be loving with the process of Separation."   To crave Unity as a manifest huperson, is to crave death.   Life is a dance between Unity and Separation.   Unity feels so warm and cuddly to our Abandonment, that it is easy to condemn our Separation - till we get some Unity, and notice how easy it is for them to do things which irk us.   The dance of Separation is what we're doing here, there is no more benefit to denying it, than there is to denying that we poop.   And the dance of Separation implies Abandonment and Suffocation.

           To do this dance with Grace, to be Separate and continue to remember that we're connected, to pull off what Bryan deFlores refers to as

"I am the resurrection and the Life,
I am the Ascension into the Light.
In this embodiment,
Without passing through the physical change called Death"

(http://www.bryandeflores.com/ascension.html), we gotta be loving with our Abandonment, loving with our Suffocation, loving with our fear, loving with our anger, loving with our Separation.   Only from the space of love can we ascend into enlightenment.

           Second question: "Also, I'm wondering how Neptune at 27 Libra, placed in Priestess and Muse vacancies, can 'focus and concentrate,' as you suggest, in a shamanistic way, given Neptune's completely opposite connotations of diffuseness, etc."

           Neptune's connotations of diffuseness are seen only when one views Neptune from the perspective of materiality.   Neptune feels diffuse from that perspective because Neptune symbolizes connection to spirit.   Recall a moment when you swooned with your gratitude for the Grace in the Universe and with your "love for God/dess," or if you never have, recall someone who has.   Recall the moments in meditation when you achieved perfect clarity and absolute connectedness.   Recall a moment when you had an epiphany - whether you were stoned at the time or not.   Those are Neptune moments, and there was nothing diffuse about them, they were focused with single-pointed attention.

           And if yer gonna play shamanic games and go around shape-shifting, which is nothing if not Neptunian, then clear attention is required if you dont want to "trip out so far you never get back to know that you've left" as Kesey put it.   The purpose behind most spiritual training, is to teach you how to combine the Neptune-space with clear attention.   Even the 24-hour work shifts given to new doctors is aimed at this purpose, to bring focused attention into realms where most folks would space out.   There is in fact nothing diffuse about spirit - what's diffuse is the mind's grasp of it, simply because spirit is larger than mind, so mind can find no perspective from which to view spirit clearly and fully.   Hence Neptune's ill-conceived reputation.

           Make any sense?

           Here's another Amethyst, this one from Lake Superior and spotted with red dots of Hematite, Iron Oxide.   Iron is blood, and red, along with black, symbolizes the root chakra, or physical survival.   Purple the crown, or connection to spirit.   Angeles Arrien speaks of "walking the mystical path with practical feet," and grounding is the first lesson in Aikido.   The first thing taught in psychic school is grounding, even before psychic self-defense.

Thunder Bay Amethyst photo:J.Buss

           And hey, there's no intent here to pick on Mom.   Those of you with kids understand Momguilt all too well.   Don't even think about yer kids when we talk about Abandonment and Suffocation, think about you and yer Mom.   If you was thinking of yer kids instead of yer mum while reading this, reread it.   Yer kids'll take care of themselves, they're more competent than you are in that regard.   To try to control or interfere in their growth, even with compassion, is just more Suffocation.

           Turn it around.   Any guilt or remorse you feel about yer own kids, is probably reprocessed Suffocation you felt in the hands of yer own dear Mum.   When you detach from your Suffocation, you'll recognize that yer anger is something that happens in your body and isn't about yer Mom at all, even if she triggered it.   And when you love yer anger, you'll have no difficulty feeling yer anger at Mom without any interruption in the love you feel for her.   When you identify with yer feelings, and when you disallow some of your feelings (which guarantees identification with them, because it makes them unconscious), it's very difficult to find yin integrity.